Reviewed by Alicia Glass
Director: Michael Hoffman Jr., Aaron T. Wells
Studio: Spy Global Media
MPAA Rating: R
Website: Girls Gone Dead
Review Rating: 6
Newly made College freshmen Rebecca and pals head out for a wild spring break vacation, only to find themselves hunted by a warhammer-wielding maniac!
Yes, it is everything advertised on the cover, and in the above synopsis, and then some – campy, terrible, boobies everywhere, awful fake blood spurting, every other word out of the girls mouths are “B*tch” and “Slut”, and yet. For all the mindless middle stuff, the topless water wrestling, the beheading of Beetlejuice the Director in the most contrived manner possible, the villain in a bad red robe with a “medieval war hammer”, there is an actual underlying plot. A plot with a beginning, a middle, and an ending that wasn’t half bad, even. It takes very little time to explain, so march bravely on with me.
Rebecca is the main character, the Virgin Mary of this group of good time gals, despite her bleached hair and come-hither outfits. Rebecca begins the whole movie with a nightmare that seems to express her guilt for having sexual desires versus her and her mother’s religious leanings. Cut to the morning Rebecca is supposed to leave, and Mother presents her with a gift bag from Papal Mart, I kid you not, that contains the following – a vigil candle, a book of New Testament Hymns, and a swimsuit that Helen Keller would hesitate at. Mother insists they pray, and Rebecca is impatiently listening to her phone ring. As she’s trying to leave a 2nd time, the former boyfriend who also happens to be a religious whackjob, shows up and tries to entice her into staying with a pair of Technicolor Dreamcoat tickets, oh yes.
Sadly, this is the main and only real attempt at any kind of plot, funny or otherwise. The rest is filled with self-aware jokes, all this hype over Crazy Girls Unlimited, the movies own godawful take on Girls Gone Wild. Yes, Ron Jeremy is in it, so is someone called Beetlejuice, who it turns out is a Howard Stern regular. Cult Celebrity types will grab attention for a movie, sure, but it won’t always be good attention. The ending was still fun, I thought, but all this middle crap only offers a few moments of genuine dark comedy. The DVD has so many extras, you’d think they were trying to compensate for something – music videos, behind the scenes featurettes, Crazy Girls Unlimited commercial spots, deleted scenes and even a blooper reel.
Thanks to the entertainmentone booth at Comic-Con International 2012 for getting me the movie for review!