Coming out this week:The Men Who Stare at Goats

Opens Friday, November 6, 2009 | Runtime:1 hr. 33 min.

R for language, some drug content and brief nudity

Struggling reporter Bob Wilton (Ewan McGregor) gets the scoop of a lifetime when he meets Lyn Cassady (George Clooney), who claims to be from a unit of psychic soldiers who have been reactivated for duty. Intrigued by Cassady’s assertions that they can walk through walls and kill goats by fixed gazes, Wilton follows him on a dangerous, top-secret mission across Iraq to find the brigade’s founder, Bill Django (Jeff Bridges) .

Cast: Ewan McGregor, George Clooney, Kevin Spacey, Jeff Bridges

Director: Grant Heslov

Coming out this week:The Box

Opens Friday, November 6, 2009

PG-13 thematic elements, some violence and disturbing images

A suburban couple, Norma (Cameron Diaz) and Arthur (James Marsden), face a moral dilemma when they receive a gift that bears irrevocable consequences. With the press of a button, their simple wooden box will bestow $1 million; however, a stranger somewhere else will die, at the same time. The box will be theirs for only 24 hours, and as time ticks away, Norma and Arthur confront the depth of their humanity as they consider their choices.

Cast: Cameron Diaz, James Marsden, Frank Langella

Director: Richard Kelly

Coming out this week: The Fourth Kind

Opens Friday, November 6, 2009 | Runtime:1 hr. 38 min.

PG-13 violent/disturbing images, some terror, thematic elements and brief sexuality

In 1972, a scale of measurement was established for alien encounters. When a UFO is sighted, it is called an encounter of the first kind. When evidence is collected, it is known as an encounter of the second kind. When contact is made with extraterrestrials, it is the third kind. The next level, abduction, is the fourth kind. This encounter has been the most difficult to document…until now. Structured unlike any film before it, The Fourth Kind is a provocative thriller set in modern-day Nome, Alaska, where—mysteriously since the 1960s—a disproportionate number of the population has been reported missing every year. Despite multiple FBI investigations of the region, the truth has never been discovered. Here in this remote region, psychologist Dr. Abigail Tyler (Milla Jovovich) began videotaping sessions with traumatized patients and unwittingly discovered some of the most disturbing evidence of alien abduction ever documented.

Cast: Milla Jovovich, Elias Koteas, Will Patton, Hakeem Kae-Kazim

Director: Olatunde Osunsanmi

Coming out this week:Disney’s A Christmas Carol

Opens Friday, November 6, 2009 | Runtime:1 hr. 36 min.

PG scary sequences and scary images

Charles Dickens’ timeless tale of an old miser who must face Ghosts of Christmas Past, Present and Yet-to-Come, as they help to bring kindness to his otherwise cold heart. The Ghosts remind him of the man he used to be, the hard truth of what the world is today, and what will happen if he does not strive to be a better man. Set around Christmas, the most joyous day of the year, Scrooge realizes the sharp contrast of his own personality. Jim Carrey plays four separate roles in this updated version of A Christmas Carol. Carrey portrays Scrooge, as well as the three ghosts (Past, Present, and Yet-to-Come). His dynamic character roles keep the four characters as diverse as being played by four actors.

Cast: Jim Carrey, Gary Oldman, Colin Firth, Bob Hoskins, Robin Wright Penn, Cary Elwes

Director: Robert Zemeckis

Stan Helsing

Reviewed by Alicia Glass

Studio: Boz Productions

MPAA Rating: R

Director: Bo Zenga

Review Rating: 7

 Stan Helsing is a slacker video rental clerk on a mission to deliver movies to a patron in a haunted gated community, along with three zany friends.

Please remember, these parody movies aren’t for everyone. It takes a certain kind of sense of humor to enjoy things like the Scary Movie series, but if you have it, you will enjoy this film too. If not, you may want to skip it.

 So Stan Helsing works in a desultory fashion at Schlockbuster, and of course the mother of the owner of the store calls in on Halloween night to order some porn. (You wish I was kidding.) Stan has to go deliver the movies to the gated community where she lives and hopefully after that attend a big Halloween party. Stan’s friend Teddy is a nice big black guy in a superhero costume, he brings his empty-headed stripper turned masseuse girlfriend Mia, and Stan’s ex-girlfriend Nadine. Once they actually make it to Stormy Night Estates, after scares on darkened roads and the car finally breaking down, it turns out the community is infested with legendary Hollywood monsters: Freddy, Chucky, Pinhead, Jason, and Michael Meyers. Of course, each one’s been parodied to hell and gone: Freddy is done up like a monster version of Flavor Flav from Public Enemy, Chucky’s played by a midget, Pinhead has all sorts of things like syringes and lollipops instead of pins in his head, Jason wears a hockey jersey and Michael has a yarmulke. The running around and making fun of as many legendary horror films is pretty good, the crude attempts at comedy are livened up a bit by the dumb blonde girlfriend Mia’s one-liners that imply sexual connotation. The ending Karaoke contest did make me roll my eyes though. There’s plenty trying to imply that Stan is actually a descendant of Van Helsing, famed monster hunter, and a cameo from Leslie Nielson does help too.

Not completely devoid of adult humor, Stan Helsing finds an interesting balance of wit and ridiculousness that is actually pretty good.

 

Law Abiding Citizen

 

Reviewed by Alicia Glass

Studio: Warp Films

MPAA Rating: R

Director:  F. Gary Gray

Review Rating: 7.5

 Ten years after his wife and daughter were murdered and one of the killers has escaped justice by making a deal with the legal systems, one extraordinary husband decides to take justice into his own hands.

 This film is indeed everything it promises from the previews, trailers, and interviews with the cast members, except for one thing – the ending. But we’ll get to that. So, we have Clyde Shelton, a far from ordinary engineering genius who loves his family literally beyond death. Clyde is beaten pretty badly when his home is robbed, not enough to kill him but hard enough to prevent him from saving his wife and child. And then one of the bad guys makes a deal in court, to get himself 3-4 years in jail while his partner who was supposedly the only one responsible for the killings, goes on death row. Clyde’s lawyer Nick tries to tell him it’s a good deal, that’s how the justice system works, blah blah, just live with it already since I already took the deal. Clyde, played by the memorable Gerard Butler, just stares at Nick the lawyer played damn well by Jamie Foxx, with tears shining in his eyes before leaving.

 Now, fast forward ten years. Ten long years in which Clyde has had the chance to brood, plot and plan. And boy, has he, he’s thought of everything – escape routes, legalities, bombs, you name it. First the guy on death row dies in a bone-wrenchingly agonizing way, hey that’s not supposed to happen, lethal injection is supposed to be painless. One for Clyde. Then Aimes, the bad guy who copped the plea, is found dead with most of his parts separated from eachother, and that includes his head. There’s a wonderfully dark scene where Clyde tells Nick what he did to Aimes in minute detail, and while yes it’s quite sick, I find it hard to believe that there weren’t a lot of people out there thinking the exact same thing. (Whether or not a person would have the stomach to actually do it, is another matter.) Clyde tells Nick he’s bringing shocks to the legal system, to show just how corrupt and worthless it really is, and continues on a series of intricately timed deaths, while sitting in solitary confinement in prison. Ordinary, law-abiding citizen my ass. Anyway, there comes a point where Nick and some police friends of his do manage to find Clyde’s plotting lair, figure out what his end game plan is, and foil the hell out of it. Which rather bothered me, the ending and what they do to poor Clyde. (No, I won’t spoil that, at least.) While I do agree that a line has to be drawn somewhere, I think Clyde just brought to life (or a lot of death, ha) what a lot of us would like to do, especially in the name of justice.

Many explosions and death make for a raucous good time, although the ending might make you want to explode!

 

Zombieland

Reviewed by Alicia Glass

Studio: Columbia Pictures

MPAA Rating: R

Director: Ruben Fleischer

Review Rating: 8

 In a world where most of the population has turned into flesh-eating zombies, four unlikely survivors band together (eventually) with hilarious consequences.

 This is a wonderfully funny movie, and the more unlikely things are, the funnier it gets. Narrated by the geek virgin from Columbus who shares the survivor rules in a dry and charming way, who meets up with the nutjob from Tallahassee with the Twinkie fetish and the any-tool-will-kill mentality, Zombieland takes a much more realistic look at what would happen if zombies really did take over the world. Wichita and Little Rock (all these people are named for where they came from, before) are a pair of girls intent on going to an amusement park for posterity, who keep pulling the wool over on the guys, but in the most uproarious way possible. Even the camera work seems to make fun of the movie, going in for that brutal closeup when a zombie gets his head blown off, and similar things. My favorite part is probably the Zombie Kill of the Week, wherein a nun drops a piano on a dead guy!

 Woody Harrelson does a great job as Tallahassee, reminiscent of his deadpan fun in Natural Born Killers. Jesse Eisenburg of Cursed and The Education of Charlie Banks fame delivers a stellar performance of the awkward teenager just coming into his own “Nut up or shut up,” mentality. Emma Stone of Superbad stardom delivers as Wichita, cool and collected and calculating. And Abigail Breslin of Nim’s Island fame gives us a good time as Little Rock, Wichita’s sister and accomplice.

Finally, a zombie movie that’s actually funny almost completely throughout!

Coming out this week: Cirque du Freak: The Vampire’s Assistant

Opens Friday, October 23, 2009 | Runtime:1 hr. 48 min.

PG-13 sequences of intense supernatural violence and action, disturbing images, thematic elements and some language

16-year-old Darren (Chris Massoglia) was like most kids in his suburban neighborhood. He hung out with his best friend Steve (Josh Hutcherson), got decent grades and usually stayed out of trouble. But when he and his buddy stumble upon a traveling freak show, things begin to change inside Darren. That’s the exact moment when a vampire named Larten Crepsley (John C. Reilly) turns him into something, well, bloodthirsty. Newly undead, he joins the Cirque Du Freak, a touring sideshow filled with monstrous creatures from a snakeboy and a wolfman to a bearded lady (Salma Hayek) and a gigantic barker (Ken Watanabe). As Darren flexes his newfound powers in this dark world, he becomes a treasured pawn between the vampires and their deadlier counterparts. And while trying to survive, one boy will struggle to keep their brewing war from devouring what’s left of his humanity.

Cast: John C. Reilly, Ken Watanabe, Josh Hutcherson, Chris Massoglia, Ray Stevenson

Director: Paul Weitz

Coming out this week: Astro Boy

Opens Friday, October 23, 2009 | Runtime:1 hr. 34 min.

PG some action and peril, and brief mild language

Set in futuristic Metro City, “Astro Boy” is about a young robot with incredible powers created by a brilliant scientist named Tenma (Nicolas Cage). Powered by positive “blue” energy, Astro Boy (Freddie Highmore) is endowed with super strength , x-ray vision, unbelievable speed and the ability to fly. Embarking on a journey in search of acceptance, Astro Boy encounters many other colorful characters along the way. Through his adventures, he learns the joys and emotions of being human, and gains the strength to embrace his destiny. Ultimately learning his friends and family are in danger, Astro Boy marshals his awesome super powers and returns to Metro City in a valiant effort to save everything he cares about and to understand what it takes to be a hero.

Cast: Freddie Highmore, Nicolas Cage, Kristen Bell, Bill Nighy, Nathan Lane

Director: David Bowers

Coming out this week: Saw VI

Opens Friday, October 23, 2009

R sequ. of grisly bloody violenc, sequ. of grisly bloody torture and language

Hoffman (Costas Mandylor) emerges as the next heir to Jigsaw’s twisted legacy, but as the FBI closes in, he sets in motion a game that is designed to reveal Jigsaw’s grand scheme.

Cast: Costas Mandylor, Tobin Bell, Betsy Russell, Shawnee Smith, Mark Rolston, Peter Outerbridge

Director: Kevin Greutert

Genres: Horror, Sadistic Horror